Birthday Wishes
by tokyo126
Summary: The one day out of the year that is uniquely yours; birthdays. A time where all your loved ones gather and celebrate you. This isn't the case for one James Rogers who loathes his own. Please R&R :)


**_DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN MARVEL OR ANY OF ITS CHARACTERS_**

 _James baby, James wake up sweetie I love you, a sweet melodic voice coaxes the small infant awake. Then another voice booms over the sweet tone but it's not overpowering instead its deep and laced with gentleness. My boy, my little James you are our greatest legacy…our greatest love. The infant giggles at the looming silhouettes above but the vision of warmth quickly alters into ones of darkness. Cries and shrieks replace the once harmonious sounds. The chaos clears and reveals a mess of bloody carnage, bodies of dozens lies on the ground askew, fires blaze in the distance. Leaving behind the crying infant to drown in its sorrows in the middle of a war zone._

BEEP BEEP BEEP. A hand snaps up from the comforter of the bed and slams hard on the blaring alarm clock crushing it in the process. The young man sighed at the now silent room. He lied there for some time staring off at his ceiling trying to adjust his eyes to the morning light that filtered through the curtains. _It was that dream again,_ he thought which meant only one thing, today marked James Rogers's 21st birthday. He should be excited and enthusiastic that today was the day he was born right? Well that wasn't the case ever since that day against Ultron 6 years ago things have been different for him. Everything around him seemed to be deteriorating at an alarming rate in which he only noticed.

For the past 6 years the world has been in the process of rebuilding with his team on the front lines of it all. Surprisingly Tony gave them the opportunity to leave his protection; he felt that they were old enough to take care of themselves by now. Toruun decided to stay on earth as its new guardian. Azari returned to his kingdom as their prince and rightful ruler while frequently making trips back to United States every month. Pym decided to stay behind under the guidance of Tony. He wanted to contribute to the restoration by continuing his father and mother's research. So far nothing has gone terribly wrong, he's a genius under that boyish exterior. Francis, of course, returned to the city to do his part and aid the refugees. And every so often Toruun would stop by to help out refugees and possibly visit certain people. _Everything is going great for them what's wrong with me_ , he grunted in defeat. He beat the bad guy to save the world and avenged his parents yet he feels even emptier than before.

James regrettably trudged out of bed to get ready for his morning workout routine before his day started. He left the tower about 3 years ago to venture off on his own, traveling the world to help out as much as he could. But in reality he felt that he was either searching for something or running away. While Tony being the nosey paranoid guardian, kept tabs on his whereabouts and every so often he would receive surprise calls or visits from the billionaire father figure. One night, James was returning to his hostile in St. Petersburg in Russia when he got a surprise visit from Tony.

"So the man of the hour has finally arrived", Tony greeted James brightly but anyone can tell that there was an underlying sarcasm to his words.

"Oh Tony how did you know where to find me this time, Asgardian insight I presume", James replied a bit smug.

"You can say that", Tony said nonchalantly while sipping a bottle of water he got from the mini fridge.

"But you know there is this funny thing called a newspaper, yea, your old man used to read them all the time and I was like hey let's check what it says today", James narrowed his eyes at the elder man in front of him he really didn't want to hear a lecture right now. Tony looked at James in the eye before grabbing a newspaper out of his bag and chucking it at James's feet. He didn't need to look at the paper to know what it read.

"Read it to me James what does it say, huh", Tony said harshly receiving silence as James's reply.

"What does it say James", Tony demanded a second time.

"What do you want from me Tony," James cut him off curtly.

"Ok fine we'll go straight to it then", Tony got up from his seat to lean forward on the table between him and James.

"Why does this article, that entire paper have your name and face all over it saying that you got arrested for public violence not only that but this seems to be a reoccurring pattern for you, where you lose your goddamn temper faster than the hulk himself", Tony was enraged at the young man's behavior as of late.

He took a moment to recompose himself before continuing, "James what is happening with you lately, when you left the tower and said that you needed to find yourself I was totally fine with it, I even encouraged it and I know that when you're young, you make stupid mistakes but I never imagined having to bail you out of fucking jail in 5 separate countries for petty shit."

"So what if I get a little drunk when I want to relax I'm still busting my ass everyday saving these people I deserve a drink every now and then, and for the record I never started any of those fights, they did!" James countered staring Tony in the eye.

"When I raised you and your siblings I made a promise to your parents, all of them in fact, that I would do it the right way, where I always told you guys to be the bigger better person not some shmuck who goes around playing wannabe hero but in actuality you're just hurting more people than saving them", Tony held is ground against James.

"What do you want for me then Tony, a public apology telling everyone that I'm actually not the perfect little all American boy everyone puts me as, that I'm actually just another fuck up in this fucking messed up planet we keep trying to save from ourselves", James was holding his arms out angrily, he didn't need to hear about his failures or shortcomings especially not from the man in front of him.

"I might as well be just another fucking orphan, oh wait I'm already here", he could feel his eyes glossing over with angry tears but he didn't allow a single one to drop, not now.

Tony's hard look softened as James's words spilled from his mouth; at that point he knew why he was acting like this. "Look James…I know that it's still hard for you to deal with that incident with Ultron but that's in the past now, your parents would've been proud and they would've wanted you to move on happily not like this."

"Parents?!...You think this is about my dead parents, wow that's rich even coming from you, I'm not my fucking parents so you can just drop the same shitty lecture of what you think my problems are, you have no idea", James was too angry and agitated to think about his words.

"I don't need to hear this shit leave now…please", his demeanor changed from anger to coldly stoic within milliseconds, he had to grit his teeth with the little patience he had left in his system.

"Yes you do James you need help" Tony was desperately trying to convince the young man otherwise.

"No I don't", everything erupted within a split second and the evidence of James's wrath settled in his bloodied fist against the broken concrete wall. All fell silent between the two men.

Tony got the hint, he needed to figure this out by himself for now, "Fine you're such a big man already, I get it go ahead jump from city to city, run away from everything and everyone because avoiding the problem always fixes things" He grabbed his bag off the ground making his way past James.

Before leaving he paused at James's side, "your dad once told me that he didn't like bullies...think about what your turning into the next time you take another drink James...happy birthday", Tony let his words linger for a moment before leaving the small motel room without saying another word. James ran faster and harder as the memories of the last day he saw Tony replayed in his mind.

 _Get out, get out_ , "GET OUT!" He shouted the last thought out loud, not caring who was around to see his frenzy. He was broken and he knew it. That day two years ago was the last day he saved someone, the last day he spoke to his family, the last time he picked up his shield, the first day he didn't care anymore. He was numb to the world. Everything around him could be burning in hell fire and he wouldn't even bother with it. He picked himself off the ground tired of his self-loathing, he began his run back home to drown himself in vodka. Ever since that day in St. Petersburg he stopped going to bars and just drank by himself inside a room. It's pitiful but at least he wasn't hurting anyone anymore.

Upon arrival to his small apartment James noticed a medium sized package on his doorstep. He slowed in his steps to look around cautiously. Even though he stopped working that didn't mean he stopped his training. Guardedly he picked up the package and opened the door. Curiosity got the better of him in dealing with the package. James took his time in examining the parcel. In his hands was a brown box that read to James Rogers. There was no address of the sender or his own. He proceeded to place it on the kitchen counter while pulling out his small pocketknife to cut through the tape. Inside were a stack of numbered DVDs and a small envelope with a picture of a cake on it.

Breaking the seal of the envelope the card inside read, _I found these a while ago and I was going to give it to you when you turned 18 but you left so here you go, happy birthday James. I hope your doing well and I hope these help you find what you've been looking for, love Uncle Tony. P.S. Don't be stranger you know where to find me._ His heart clenched as he read each word on the small parchment. He flipped the card over to see if there was more but it was only the short simple message. He reached over to the DVDs while placing the card back in the box. They were white disks with the numbers 1-9 written on top of the casing. Curious to see what Tony gave him this time James grabbed his laptop from his room and popped in one of the disks inside. The moment the movie played tears trailed down his face. It was the voices that were in his dreams this morning the voices of his parents.

A tall muscular blonde man in a blue plaid button down shirt stood off center in the frame.

"Steve move a little to the right, you're off center", a female voice was directing the blonde man.

He laughed nervously, "Sorry I'm nervous I don't know what to say."

"Well why not start with who you are", she gently suggested.

Steve stood a little straighter with his chest puffed out a bit. He flashed a grin to the camera and said; "hey kid I'm Steve Rogers your old man." There was a second long pause before his mother started laughing at Steve's sad attempt to act cool, it even got James to laugh along at his dad's antics.

"Steve what the hell was that" Natasha blurted out while recomposing herself.

"Well I thought it would be cool..." A blush rose to his cheeks.

"Why don't you go next Natasha", Steve suggested trying to move the attention away from him.

"Fine here take the camera", the scene went black and then a woman with fiery red hair in a black leather jacket and knee high boots appeared. James couldn't help but touch his own hair. He noticed that her stomach was flat when she came into scene; _this must've been when I was just a gummy bear inside her_.

"Hey kiddo unlike your father over there I am the cool one", she flashed the camera her signature smirk.

A surge of amusement came from Steve, "ahah aha sorry, sorry I didn't mean to ruin the moment but that was just as bad as mine Nat." The woman ran up to the camera while yelling at his dad for making fun of her.

The frame went black to the next scene it was Tony talking with his dad. "Fancy meeting you boys here what is it this time you're planning Tony", Natasha caught them in the middle of a conversation.

"Hey speaking of the devil", Tony looked a lot younger and less grey back then, _I guess 21 years does that to you._

Steve spoke up, "Tony here was trying to negotiate why he should be our son's godfather, he even has a mini presentation to show, it's so crazy it almost makes me not want to make him godfather." James couldn't take his eyes off the screen he wanted the clips to keep going. The frame faded to black once more but this time it wasn't his parents' voice but another male that sort of resembled Francis in a way.

"Look at what we found here kid, your parents being all lovey-dovey again eww", James chuckled at the commentary.

The scene unfolded and it was his parents holding each other while watching the sunset over the New York city skyline. His heart melted at the sight he's never seen anything so serene and beautiful in his life. He could tell that his mom turned her head to kiss his dad but the cameraman ruined the moment when his foot slipped and his mom caught him out of the corners of her eyes.

"Clint do you know anything about privacy you birdbrain!" James now had an idea where he got his temper. When the clips stopped it sent James back to his computer screen desktop, he panicked.

"No, no, no, no, no; please there has to be more please", he became frantic and desperate to see more. He ran back to the counter to search the box for more disks. Quickly he popped in the next disk he found out of the nine he was sent.

The scene opened with his mother lying wearily with her hair splayed out on what seemed like a hospital bed. Her eyes were closed and her breathing was a bit labored. On the corner of the screen blinked the date September 2, 1994, his birthday.

"Hey sweetheart", his dad's voice softly caught his attention.

"Hey", Natasha replied faintly with a grin.

"Look whose here to see you", suddenly a nurse handed her an infant wrapped in a blue blanket. She cried as she held him tenderly. Her hand lightly brushed against the baby's rosy cheek. The camera moved closer to him and his mother, and then he heard the words that have haunted his dreams every birthday.

"James baby, James sweetie wake up mommy loves you with all her heart", she coddled the child closer to her, whispering words of adoration in her mother tongue "Я люблю тебя так много Джеймс, ты свет в моей жизни. (I love you so much James, you are light of my life.)" James noticed that she spoke the last lines in Russian. The scene cut again to his dad holding him this time.

"My boy, my little James...Nat he's so small."

"Bring him here Steve now we can record our first family video together", Steve stepped closer to the bedside switching off the baby for the camera. The picture turned around to face them and it was a sight to behold. His father was wiggling his finger playfully in his hand while his mother held him close to her chest; a sensation of warmth swelled through James's being at the sight of pure delight.

"Nat look at what we made, he's perfect…I'm so proud of you both", Steve kissed the small infant's head lightly and then his wife's lips.

"James you are our greatest legacy we love you so much son, never forget that."

The screen cut off to black leaving James a mess of emotions. His parents left these home made movies behind for him to remember them by, not as the heroes that saved the world but as the people they were. He sat on his living room couch as hot fat tears raced down his cheeks, releasing all of his misplaced pain, sorrow, and confusion. For so long he has secluded himself, punishing himself for avoiding the truths. He now knows the reasons why he allowed himself to be consumed by the hurtful pain of loneliness. He realizes why he committed those petty crimes and hold spite towards his family. James knew he was broken but he didn't know in what ways. Not knowing where or who to turn to he ran away from everything and everybody. He felt isolated because everyone else had something to hold on to from their unknown lineage except him. Now he's lying head down balling for what seems like forever, relief and joy washing over him. He finally found what he was looking for. Love.


End file.
